


Blood on my Hands

by Obsidian_Aurora



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-24 14:32:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1608563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsidian_Aurora/pseuds/Obsidian_Aurora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi can't seem to wash the blood from his hands.  Eren watches him until he can't take it anymore.  They clash in a riot as bottled-up emotions are released.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blood on my Hands

WARNING: Spoilers for the Attack on Titan Manga, Chapter 56. Scene contains M/M romance.

**Blood on my Hands**

The sun was setting through the windows, spilling liquid golden light into the kitchen. It picked up the highlights in dark hair, made his white shirt look yellow, and glinted off hands that were being rubbed over and over under the running water. He had a nail brush, and was cleaning under his nails, his shoulders shaking somewhat with his movements. The sound was rhythmic, never-ending.

Eren watched him from the door, his hand ghosting on the door frame. He wanted to say something, to do something, but he never knew quite what to say to the man. His admiration of him got in the way, almost, as he just wanted Levi to like him, and he worried sometimes that he just sounded like a kid to him.

The longer Eren watched him, the more he couldn't stand it. Levi must have been washing his hands for 10 minutes at least, maybe more.

Eren approached him slowly, not wanting to startle him. "Heichou?" he asked tentatively, speaking like you would to a spooked horse.

Levi turned his head just enough to acknowledge him, but kept on with the hand washing. "There's blood under my fucking fingernails."

Eren put a hand on his arm, gently tugging. "Let me see."

Levi's piercing eyes flicked up to his, guarded. Then, after a moment, he put his hands out.

Eren gently took Levi's hands in his, squeezing them. The water trickled down to the floor, soap suds still evident. When Eren held Levi's hands up, he could see Levi's delicate fingers were red from scrubbing, raw almost. But there was no blood, no dirt. They were clean.

Eren took Levi's hands and put them under the water again, washing the soap suds off. He rinsed their hands one more time together.

"I wore gloves," Levi grunted out. "Some must have gotten in somehow."

Eren closed his eyes, as the words stabbed him inside somewhere. He couldn't bear to tell him there wasn't any blood. He just turned off the tap, and reached out for the rare lotion Levi had set on the counter, and squeezed a little onto their hands, massaging it in.

When he looked up again, he saw Levi's mouth was pinched, his eyes hard. He was looking deep inside himself.

Finally, Levi looked up into his eyes again. "Do you think this makes me a bad person? That I can do that to another person, I can torture them, beat the crap out of them, and still I don't regret it. I'm unaffected by it."

Eren shook his head wordlessly.

Levi smirked, barking out a laugh, and turning his head aside. "Yeah, right. Someone's got to be the asshole, and I can do it better than anyone else. It would just be easier if I wasn't such a neat freak, hmm?"

Eren couldn't help smiling at that. "You're not unaffected by it, though, are you?" he said finally.

Levi looked back at him, his eyes piercing through his again. Looking at him as though daring him to say that again.

Eren's hands still held his, and he squeezed them to emphasize his point. "You care, more than you'd like to admit. You don't want to hurt anyone."

Levi snatched his hands back, stuffing them under his arms as he folded them. "It's all I'm good for, Eren. I hurt people. I kill people." Eren watched him as he stalked back to the window, looking out at the sunset. "The worst part of it is that I'm dirty, but there's nothing that can ever make me clean again. That's my burden, I guess."

" _Our_ burden," Eren corrected him. "If you're dirty, then the rest of us are too. We've all killed. And we'll keep doing it, too, because it's the only way."

Levi shook his head. "It's not the _only_ way, Eren. It's the way we chose."

When Levi turned and walked to the door, Eren didn't know the words to use to stop him. He watched him open the door and walk out, watched him take a few steps and stop, turning his head up to the sky and _breathing_ , like he felt like he couldn't even breathe clean air anymore.

Eren walked up behind him, and threw all his inhibitions to the wind, and slipped his arms around him from behind. He wrapped Levi up in his embrace, hugging him, because in that moment, he wanted to protect him. Levi did nothing but protect him, over and over again, but who would protect Levi?

When Eren held Levi in his arms, it felt so right. Levi's smaller body fit perfectly in his arms, and being able to inhale his scent from this close was intoxicating. He smelled like soap and pine and clean, fresh air.

Levi went stiff in his arms at the contact. He didn't shove him off immediately, though. He just stood there, as though waiting for the next move. After a long moment, he finally said, "What the fuck are you doing?"

Eren didn't let go. He didn't say anything. He just held him.

Levi snorted and relaxed after a moment. "What do you think is going to happen here?"

"I don't care," Eren said recklessly. "All I know is that, any day things could change. This place, this little moment of time, it's not going to last. Tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, we'll leave, or something will happen, and we'll be fighting for our lives again. I'm just so fucking tired of not telling you how I feel."

"So tell me."

"I know you're going to think I'm just a kid, or that this is hero-worship, but it's not. I know who you are, you're jaded, and you're strong, and you're looking for the right way to do things. You admit when you're wrong, and ask others to do the same. You're a good leader, and even though you may not realize it, a great friend."

Levi laughed at the end of this speech, but he bowed his head, not saying anything.

"And maybe I am just a kid, and I'm selfish, because I want more. I want to be someone you can rely on. I want to be the person that you look for, that you want to be with."

"You already are, kid," Levi said quietly.

"But not just because I'm humanity's last chance. I want to be that person for _you_. I want you to love me, as much as I love you. Pathetic, right?"

Levi slowly plucked Eren's arms from around his waist, turning around to look at him. Eren's eyes were downcast, he couldn't bear to see the reproach in them, and he was waiting for the dressing down he was about to get.

Levi grabbed his arm roughly, and dragged him up away from the house, towards the trees. He moved quickly, strongly, his hand painfully hard on his arm.

"Heichou?" Eren asked, as he was pulled along.

"Shut the fuck up," Levi growled, intent on his purpose now. When they were in the tree cover, away from the woods, he stopped, and turned to look at Eren, his chest heaving.

Eren looked back at him, his eyes on Levi's clenched hands, his heaving chest, his tight jaw. He finally looked up at Levi's eyes and saw such burning intensity there, it made him take a step back.

The Levi launched himself at him. He flew through the air, his acrobatics no less impressive on the ground than they were in the air. He swept Eren's legs out from under him, and Eren went crashing to the ground. Then Levi pinned him, shoving his forearm up under Eren's chin. "How _dare_ you say those things to me?" he growled, his eyes raking up and down Eren's face.

Eren frowned, then he bucked up underneath him. He'd been one of the best in his class at hand to hand combat, but his many months of fighting as a Titan had only made him better. He managed to twist, and shoved his hand up on Levi's chest, pushing him away and rolling them over.

Levi kneed Eren in the gut, and got the upper hand again, rolling them over until Eren was pinned beneath him. He put his hand on Eren's neck, and his knees on either side of Eren's hips. Eren struggled, but every time Levi got him back under him again.

"How dare you make this _impossible_ to ignore," Levi ground out.

"Huh?" Eren said, eyes going wide.

Then Levi released Eren's neck, and grabbed a handful of his hair instead, and fell down into his body as he kissed him. Their mouths clashed roughly, and Levi's grip on him was punishing, but oh, _yes_ , it was so right. The feel of Levi's body in his arms, the mix of pain and pleasure, the taste.

Levi then pushed himself up just enough to look down in Eren's eyes. "Still think this is what you want?"

"Fuck yes," Eren growled, and managed to flip Levi underneath him as he continued the kiss. He ran his hands up and down Levi's trim torso, and kissed him and kissed him and kissed him.

Levi's head bucked up from the ground, as he got his hand twisted back in Eren's hair, and he licked Eren's lips, coaxing them open. When their tongues touched each other, both men moaned into the kiss, and all caution was thrown to the wind.

"Fuck," Levi swore, and grappled with him again, shoving Eren back onto his back. He straddled Eren's hips and then pushed his hips down into them, rubbing their hardnesses together through the thick fabric of their clothes, and Eren's head smacked back down against the ground as he moaned.

Levi began to move, thrusting his hips against Eren's, as he leaned down to suck on Eren's lower lip. He bit into it, harshly, claiming him. Then he smiled. "It's a good thing you heal quick," Levi said with a grin. "It means we don't have to be gentle, right?"

Eren laughed and grinned right back. "Yeah."

Levi then nibbled and licked his way to Eren's neck, where he then latched on and bit Eren hard, sucking to bring up a vicious welt. Eren groaned and arched his back as the feeling went straight to his cock. "Yeah, let's not do gentle," he said thickly.

Levi leaned up just long enough to shove up Eren's shirt, baring his torso. He yanked it up off Eren's head, then set it aside almost gently. Eren's hair got all messed up in the process, which just made him laugh and kiss him again.

Eren's hands were locked on Levi's hips, encouraging him to keep rocking, because yes, that felt good. But when Levi scooted down and palmed his chest, he didn't stop him. He certainly didn't stop him when he licked his nipple, and folded the bud between his lips. He didn't even stop him when he bit down harshly on that nipple, because damn, that went straight to his cock too, and his hands tightened in Levi's hair instead.

"Heichou," Eren ground out, guiding his head to the other side.

With a chuckle, Levi paid the other nipple the same attention, which had Eren writhing underneath him.

Levi ghosted his hands over Eren's hard abs appreciatively. "You've got a beautiful body," Levi told him, looking up at him as he kissed and licked down his stomach. He then stopped to dip his tongue into Eren's bellybutton, which made Eren laugh, since he was ticklish.

"Aren't you worried that I'm dirty?" Eren asked, somehow curious in the middle of what they were doing.

He almost lost his train of thought completely when Levi lazily rubbed his hand over Eren's hardness through his pants. "Nah. I know you just took a shower before coming to see me. I can smell the soap on your skin."

This made Eren laugh again, his belly vibrating under Levi's hands. But then the laugh turned into a moan when Levi reached inside his pants and palmed him.

Levi's hands were surprisingly soft against his skin. His callouses from the sword-wielding were softened by excessive hand-washing, so he ended up actually feeling really, really nice. His hand stroked his length once, from top to bottom, then he stroked his thumb over the tip and Eren couldn't stifle a whimper.

"Pants," Levi grunted, and then he tugged off Eren's shoes and his pants roughly, until they were lying in a neat heap on top of his shirt. Eren didn't have time to ask Levi to take off his clothes too, because as soon as the pants were gone, Levi was tucked back in against his body, and his hand was right where Eren wanted it, on his cock. And _god_ , it was _perfect_.

Levi propped his head on his hand, watching him under a half-lidded gaze, as his other hand did miracles on his body. He stroked Eren's cock, tugging just firm enough but not too fast, and when he ran his thumb over the tip again, a pearl of thick precum weeped out from the tip. But Levi was watching his face, watching the expression there, as his face went red and his head tipped back.

Then Levi shoved Eren's legs apart, and slid down so that his shoulders were between them, his breath ghosting against Eren's most private parts.

"You did wash thoroughly, right, Eren?"

"Yesss," Eren hissed as Levi kissed his cock. Levi nudged Eren's balls with his nose, inhaling the scene and humming his approval. He then licked them, and sucked one of Eren's balls in his mouth, one arm holding Eren's hips down to still their bucking.

"Holy fuck," Eren ground out.

Levi sucked on the other ball, then pushed Eren's legs up farther and even bestowed a lick and a kiss on Eren's taint. When Eren was trembling, he moved back up again, and licked a long line from the base of his cock to the tip.

"Levi, _please_ ," Eren begged.

At the sound of his given name, Levi's eyes shot up, and opened wide. Then he glared up at him, and sucked just the tip of Eren's cock into his mouth.

"Oh god yes," Eren cried out.

Levi sucked the tip, tasting the essence of his precum, and slowly started bobbing up and down, going down farther each time. His mouth was too small, and Eren too big, to be able to fit the whole thing in, so he wrapped his fist around the base.

Eren was mindblown. The feeling of Levi's hot, wet heat surrounding him almost did him in. But being able to look down and see that small mouth wrapped around his cock was… god, there were no words. It was a sight he was hoping to burn into his memory forever.

Levi popped off his cock, and licked his lips. "Eren, I'm going to suck you until you come, then I'm going to fuck you. Any objections?"

"No sir!"

"Good."

Levi paused long enough to pull one rubber glove out of his jacket, which he slipped on his hand with a smacking sound. He then fished out the lotion from earlier, and squirted some onto the glove, lubing up the fingers.

"Where did the glove come from?" Eren wondered aloud.

"Shut up, brat," Levi ground out, then he bent down to take Eren's cock in his mouth again, and true enough, that shut him up right quick.

As he was sucking on Eren's cock, he prodded one gloved finger at Eren's entrance, just massaging it at first. Eren's head flew back, and he bit his lip.

Levi pulled off his cock, and just nibbled along the length, then he stuck his tongue into the slit at the end, and when Eren moaned, he slipped his gloved finger inside him. The finger felt strange at first, just a tingling intrusion. But then Levi curled it around and started stroking him inside with it, and strange turned into good. Then Levi's mouth was on his cock again, and good went to great.

Two fingers was a bit harder. The burning was closer to pain, but then Levi twisted the fingers around inside him, and brushed up against something that lit him on fire. He almost came right then, but Levi squeezed the fingers of his other hand tight around the base of Eren's cock, and he stopped coming with a whimper.

When Levi made to put a third finger in, Eren asked, "Why three?"

Levi looked up at him, and deadpanned, "Cause that's how big my cock is, brat."

Eren's eyes widened. Although it seemed Eren may be longer than Levi, was Levi thicker?

Eren didn't bother to stop him though, and when the three fingers were in there, he screwed up his face and took the discomfort.

"Breathe, kid."

Eren let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, and then Levi's fingers moved in him more easily. When Levi sucked his cock again, he let himself drown in the feeling, his head falling back against the ground. Then Levi's fingers twisted in him, and found that sweet spot inside him again, and he shouted.

Levi rode him with his fingers, and increased the pace and suction on his cock, and Eren couldn't hold out for long. This time, Levi didn't stop him coming, and he shouted as his come spurted, long and thick, landing on Levi's cravat, on his own chest, and on his own belly. It seemed like he was coming forever, and the whole time, Levi was murmuring to him, and moving those fingers inside him.

When he finally came back down, Eren looked down at Levi sleepily, to see him lying with his head propped on Eren's thigh. "Good?" he asked.

Eren nodded. "Yeah."

"Good. Now I'm going to fuck you."

Even though Eren's limbs felt like jelly, he didn't protest. He just lay there, watching as Levi stood and slowly removed his clothes, folding them and putting them to the side. He took a moment to try to scrub Eren's come off his cravat with his handkerchief, then tossed it aside with a curse and gave up on it. Then he removed his shirt, toed out of his shoes, and stripped off his pants.

Then he was standing there, gloriously nude, with a hand on his hip looking down at Eren's body.

Levi was perfect. Compact, but not a pound of flesh wasted, he was a warrior to the bone. He had scars all over his body, but they didn't detract in the least. His cock was thick, and longer than Eren would have guessed, though perhaps not quite as long as his own. It was also painfully erect, standing up against his stomach, and leaking.

"It's too bad I haven't been able to get ahold of any condoms for years," Levi sighed, looking down at him. "We haven't been able to manufacture them since the walls went up, and there just aren't any on the black market anymore."

Eren stretched, and crossed his legs at the ankles, putting his hands together under his head. "Is that going to stop you?" he asked curiously.

Levi cocked his head to the side, looking down at him. "It has, in the past. But today, no. I want you too much. Besides, I'm dirty anyway, right? Nothing will make me clean again."

Eren spread his legs, and held out his hand. "Then come and fuck me."

Levi snorted, but obeyed. He took Eren's hand, and laid down on his body. His smaller body fit so snugly against him, it felt so right. Then Levi was kissing him again, his tongue delving inside, his hands on Eren's face. His hard cock was digging into Eren's stomach, and even though Eren didn't think he could come again, his cock did perk up again when Levi's cock rubbed against it.

"God, you're so sexy," Eren ground out.

Levi pulled back and frowned at him. "I don't know why you'd think so. I'm twice your age."

Eren wrapped his legs around him. "I don't care. I want you."

Levi buried his face in Eren's neck, and kissed him almost tenderly. "All right then, if you'll shut the hell up then I'll fuck you."

Eren bit back his retort, and stroked his foot down the back of Levi's leg instead.

Levi humped against him first, rubbing his cock along Eren's belly, then rubbing it against his cock. When he mashed their cocks together, he let out a satisfied, "yesss." Eren couldn't disagree, and he bucked up to chase the contact, and then they were moving together, rocking in a frantic pace.

Then Levi pulled Eren's legs higher around his hips, and slipped down underneath them, and finally lined up against his hole. He pushed, but damn, Eren was tight. So he kissed Eren's chest, and nibbled at his nipple, and begged him, "Relax, kid. Breathe."

Eren did his best to relax, and Levi slowly shoved the head of his cock inside, and then arched his back and grunted. He pushed in slowly, and the pain Eren felt was indescribable, because it was almost unbearable, but so right at the same time. "More," he grunted out, pushing his feet against the back of Levi's hips, to urge him deeper.

Levi grunted and then lost his control and shoved all the way deep inside. The pain lanced up into Eren, but he just arched his back and rode it out, groaning. Levi's hand slipped between them and found his cock, and tugged on it to bring it back to life.

Then he pulled out, and pushed all the way deep again. Eren bit his lip.

Levi was so slow and methodical, in the beginning, thrusting in and out. Then he locked eyes with Eren, and that piercing gaze must have realized Eren was okay, because then he really lost control. He started fucking him in earnest, pulling his legs up and pounding into him.

The sound of Levi's balls slapping against his ass, and the feeling of his cock inside him, and the sound of Levi's harsh breaths, it all combined to one endless sensation of falling.

Then Levi pulled out, and grabbed Eren's hips and flipped him over, driving into him from behind. "Deeper this way," he ground out, as his cock thrust in. Then, his cock brushed against that place inside him that set off the fireworks, and Eren was groaning now.

"Don't stop, please, don't stop." Eren kept repeating it, and Levi reached out his hands, entwining them in Eren's.

"I'm here," Levi said, "And I'm not going anywhere."

Levi picked up the pace, his fucking down ruthless and deep, and Eren bucked underneath him, desperate. He couldn't believe it, but he was pretty sure he was on his way to a second orgasm, because he could feel it building up in his gut. "Oh, god, yes," he cried out, and Levi pounded into him, ramming into that place inside him over and over.

Finally Eren lost it, and he started coming again, his whole body spasming. Jets of white come splattered all over his stomach.

Levi grunted when he felt Eren's body spasming around him, because it felt so, so good. He thrust a few more times for good measure, then gave into it, jerking deep into Eren and coming inside.

They both collapsed then, Levi's small form covering his back, their hands still entwined together. Levi's softened cock pulled out of him slowly, and then Eren could feel drips of Levi's come on the insides of his legs, and it made him flush with warmth. He'd done this, he'd driven Levi to it, and Levi had wanted him.

After a while, Levi shifted off him, and flopped onto his back. He ran his hands through his hair, and said, "Shit."

Eren turned on his side to look at him. "Hmm?"

Levi closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Eren, I shouldn't have done that."

Eren propped himself up on an elbow. "Why not?"

Levi crossed his arms over his eyes. "Well, let me list the fucking reasons. 1) You're underage. 2) I'm your superior officer. 3) … Well, I'm sure there are like a million reasons."

Eren tugged Levi's arms off his face, and forced the man to look at him. "There are always going to be a million reasons not to do something, aren't there? But there's only ever one reason to actually do something."

Levi frowned. "What's that?"

"Because you choose to."

Levi barked a laugh. "And who taught you that, hmm?"

Eren grinned at him. "Do you regret your choice? Now that you see what has come of it?"

Levi reached out a hand and ran it down Eren's side. "Truly? No."

"Good." Eren reached out and grabbed Levi's face, and kissed him. Levi stiffened for a moment, then leaned into the kiss.

"What about tomorrow?" Levi asked. "Or the day after that?"

Eren shrugged. "Doesn't change the world we live in, does it? This one act. Tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, we'll still have to do what we have to do. We'll have to fight. I'll have to go head-first into danger, and you'll chase after me, doing your best to protect me. We are who we are. It doesn't mean we can't love each other, does it?"

"I don't know," Levi answered honestly. "I don't think I've ever loved anyone before."

"But you do now?" Eren prompted him, gazing into his eyes.

Levi rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"And does it change anything? What are you going to do tomorrow?"

Levi sighed. "I'm going to do what I have to."


End file.
